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Has anyone seen this girl?
Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
1:03 pm - Whoa...
Damn has it really been a full year? Seems like I just remember and then I forget again. One of these days I will have to add a note on my daily calendar to make entries here. Of course that would mean actually having a daily calendar. Well until then, at least there is a but of proof that I am still alive...

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Monday, September 20th, 2004
5:04 pm
Ok this a test of the new palm. With luck it will sync...

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Thursday, October 23rd, 2003
12:34 pm




what decade does your personality live in?


quiz brought to you by lady interference, ltd



current mood: curious

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Tuesday, September 9th, 2003
10:17 pm
Dang it really has been sometime since I was here. I suppose I should fix all these broken links and clean the place up. Seems like so much has been happening lately that I barely have time to breathe. Well I will figure out (remember) how to fix this up and then it will look better.

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Saturday, January 11th, 2003
4:19 pm
Still alive here....

Just found a thought I wanted to remember and share...

"Before you speak, ask yourself, is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve on the silence?"

**Namaste**

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Thursday, November 28th, 2002
8:24 am
So it has been another month...

Today is Thanksgiving, another one of those holidays created by people that feel you need a special day to show love or be thankful. At what point do people take that feeling to heart and let it be part of their life EVERY day of the year?? If more people would do this, I really feel we would have less strife, hunger, and lack of happiness in the world.

Once you learn to live with a boundless heart, there is so much more in life to be enjoyed. When the chilly sunrise of a November morning, the soft sound of the wind chimes, or the loving comments in a friend's journal are all powerful enough to move your heart. THAT is when you can truly know joy. That is when every breath means that the karmic energy of the universe is filling your very being. And that is when you know we truly are all one 365 days a year, not just on Thanksgiving or Christmas (I will not even start on the most commercial and least holy of all days...), but every moment of every day.


So with a boundless heart should one cherish all living beings.
--Buddha



**Namaste**

current mood: relaxed

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Tuesday, October 29th, 2002
10:21 am
Well I am still here...

This geocaching is rather addicting... But it is OK, I can quit anytime I want... LOL!!!

In the last 4 days I have hunted (and found) 3 caches. Now this my seem excessive but you need to keep it in perspective, oregone has found 539 in just over a year... more than one per day... so I guess I am not that far gone yet!

If you are scratching your head and wondering what the heck I am talking about. Check out geocaching.com. But be careful, if you are a hightech geek and outdoor junkie like me, you might just become hooked...

**Namaste**

current mood: nostalgic

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Saturday, October 12th, 2002
10:55 am
WOW...

Has it really been over a month since I was here??

Life has been so hectic lately...

Teenager hitting driving age,...
little one doing choir...
new jeep...
new game server for Neverwinter...

Just seems like it has been non stop since returning from Sedona. Heck I have not even gotten those pix done yet... *note to self...get sedona pix processed*

Hey if ya wanna try something new... check out www.geocaching.com... where YOU are the search engine. This is really cool if you own a GPS.

Well off and running...i have not forgotten...

**Namaste**

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Friday, August 23rd, 2002
10:30 am

A Wise Fool's Meditation
Let yourself go.
Totally.
Breathe in and out a few times deeply.
Drop your body, drop your persona.
Let your hair down, and let it all hang out.
Drop your mind.
Unscrew your head
and shoot it --swoosh-- through the nearest hoop
(a wastebaket will do).
Take the path of least resistance.
Unedit yourself.
Let tha uncontrived little Buddha inside wake up.
And laugh, dance, sing, and shine.

No one is watching.
It don't matter how it looks.
Go for it!
Push the envelope of sanity.
Make the leap into irrationality.
Plumb the dark side of the moon,
the far side
of the brain---
the secret side of your mysterious primordial
Being.
Become a spiritual astronaut
a Way-farer
Unfurl your heart's wings
Breathe
Dance, laugh, play
Clap your hands
Soar
Sing



**Namaste**

current mood: contemplative

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Thursday, August 22nd, 2002
6:21 pm
What an amazing couple of days! We spent yesterday and today at a place called Lockett Meadow. This is in the San Fransisco mountains about an hour north of Flagstaff. The campsite itself sits in a valley at about the 8200 foot level. It is surrounded by endless miles of pine and aspen forest. We camped under the full moon and stars, no need for tents in Arizona in the summer. I had a spot inside a small pod of young aspen, laying there in the light of the full moon, watching the millions of stars, I felt as if I was cradled in the arms of mother nature herself.

This morning the "macho" contingent of the group took off to play at Lake Powell and left the "meditative" contingent (mom, Sperry, Nancy, Andrea, and myself) to wander on our own pace. We took this opportunity to wander in the aspens and make our way up to the Inner Basin (about the 9300 foot level). This was the true magic of the trip. As we wandered, in no hurry at all, Andrea and Nancy sang, and their voices resonated with the song of the aspens. We stopped several times to share group hugs and connect. On one particularly "connected" moment we were joined by a red tail hawk who landed in a nearby aspen. Shortly after we found ourselves among a family of deer grazing among the trees. We were so connected, not only with each other, but also with the trees that allowed us to share their domain.

This is what it is all about. We are, and always have been, part of this bountiful natural world. If only more of us could experience the magic this creation has to offer...

**Namaste**

current mood: relaxed

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Saturday, August 17th, 2002
6:00 pm
It has been so peaceful the last couple of days. We have been sitting death watch over Teddy, mom's kitty, who has both learned and taught in this life. He surprised us this morning as we discovered he was still in his earthly body. But that is the nature of death I guess. You never know the exact time and place, even if you are a cat.

It is "magic minute" right now, those that have been to Sedona know what I am talking about. That minute in the evening when the sun drops below the horizon and the red rocks glow golden. It is the one or two minutes in everyday here that remind us way we call this place our heart's home. As it happens, this evening it was also the time that Teddy chose to finally let go of the physical bounds and followed the setting sun. It is said among buddhists that humans are the highest form of incarnation. But I wonder about that often. If only humans can attain enlightenment, what is next?

Is enlightenment the end of the journey or the beginning?

Does enlightenment mean that we leave this world forever? If that were true, how was the Buddha able to teach as an enlightened being? Perhaps there is another form. One that allows a being to teach in a more subtle, yet more effective way. It seems that maybe cats have this gift, if we silly humans only knew enough to listen. Cats truly have the capacity for unconditional love that no human I have ever known could match. They spend their days in pure joyous pursuits, meditating, and showing love for their human companions with no expectations. No demands, not even a true way to demand. If only we silly humans could grasp that, perhaps there would be less suffering in the world. Perhaps that is the true path out of samsara...

Sedona truly is a magical place. Here even death is graceful, peaceful, and has lessons for those that remain behind to witness the next magic minute.

**Namaste**

current mood: peaceful

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Tuesday, August 13th, 2002
4:45 pm
Sitting here on the rocks beside Oak creek I feel the connection grow. Watching the water flow by, carrying to kids with it, I think how easily I could stay. I watch the tourists on Midgely Bridgely, as they watch us play several hundresd feet below and wonder how the heck we got down here. It is so nice to come here and be at home...

Yesterday we climbed Cathedral. There is a special route we take, following a natural course up the
tourists NEVER see. Last year on this route I found 5 head feathers from the bald eagles that nest in the spires. The year was no let down, the find was a pair of intact dragonfly wings! Add to this the pure joyous sound of my singing bowl in the hidden chanting niche, and you have another wonderful hike indeed.

**Namaste**

current mood: relaxed

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7:47 am
The journey started as it does every year. Sitting on the train I had plenty of time to contemplate the turns that my life has taken since last year. I now have some new people in my world that have had some major impact on my openness, as well as my ability to let go of some of the baggage I have carried for years. One in particular that has a way of drawing out a part of me that I abandon many years ago. She does not even know the depth of the impact on my spiritual seek that she has had. The other, an older friend with a unique perspective, helps me question where I am and where I will be like no one else. Between these two I have found that there is much that I walked away from. So very much that I want back in my life. I wonder what karma I have spent to have these unique and wondeful influences in my life at a time when I really seem to need them...

current mood: calm

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Monday, August 5th, 2002
6:49 pm
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting...


**Namaste**

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Thursday, July 11th, 2002
9:31 pm
New philosophy for life...

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having the good sense to be lazy.


**Namaste**

current mood: lazy

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Sunday, June 30th, 2002
8:50 pm
Inspiration... Such an elusive thing.

As I laid back and relaxed this afternoon it struck me. The one thing I have not been able to find in my life is inspiration. I have been searching for direction and it seems that what I am really missing is someone or something to inspire me. Someone that makes my heart thump when I hear her voice. Someone who makes the world melt away when I see her face. This seems so elusive for me. I just feel like somehow I need a major change. I know that this will happen, but will my heart make it that long. I have a comitment to be where I am for 3 years. This is important to me to keep.

Will I find my inspiration during that time?

Will I look across a room someday and catch the eyes that my heart hopes to find?

I am beginning to open more finally. I have met some wonderful people in the past half year. Friends that have their own lessons to teach me.

One that brings out a part of me I had thought lost for good. This has been a great thing for me to discover, and I hope I can be as rewarding in her life as I feel she is in mine. I hope our friendship goes and we are both able to gain something in our lives that we are looking for.

But my heart still longs. I do not even know what for. I talk with mom and she tells me of the sparks she feels when she and her boyfriend are together. And I wonder if I will ever know that. I know I did not with kathy, no matter how much love we shared over the years, or how close we remain.

Is that my lesson for this life? To find the inspiration that will light my next life? I sure hope it does not take a lifetime.

I know she is out there somewhere. And deep inside I feel inspiration can be found not here in Oregon, where I have "made" my home, but rather in Sedona where my heart found it's home. I know in my deepest heart center that there is something there for me, that one day I will go there amd not leave.

Was it her I saw last year at sunset on Airport Mesa?

I took her picture, but never even said hello.

Was I supposed to?

Karma is a fickle thing. You never know when something will come into your life. But I do believe that when karma has a lesson for you, there is no way to avoid it. And when someone comes into your life it is never by accident.

So with this epiphany am I any closer to finding the answers I seek? Who knows?

Will I find my inspiration?????

The thought for the day seems to speak to this as well:

In exchange for the promise of security, many people put a barrier between themselves and the adventure in consciousness that could put a whole new light on their personal lives.
----June Singer


**Namaste**

current mood: melancholy

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Thursday, June 20th, 2002
10:16 pm
Cool got the new PocketLJ working.

Also got the toll free sync thru company dial up working. Man I am so geeky ... lmao.

current mood: accomplished

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Monday, June 10th, 2002
6:05 pm
What a weekend...

I had another one of those "nearly everything right" kinda weekends.

Saturday took the trail up to Triple Falls. This is in the Columbia River Gorge about 2 miles hike in from the scenic highway. After winding and climbing your way up, you are treated with a phenomenal view of the falls from the edge of the bowl the drop into. After a sfort hike around the bowl you can walk out a fallen log and sit on a rather large rock out-cropping with the water rushing by and falling away on either side. Nothing but the sounds of the falls below you and he birds above... What a blissful place to meditate... Next time I promise to actually take the camera and then I will show you all.

Sunday I spent most of the morning and early afternoon chatting with the most wonderful lady. She is some much fun to talk to... I am looking forward to actually meeting her in person this weekend when we both will be attending a scout function. I have really enjoyed chatting and getting to know her so far. This will be ANOTHER good weekend indeed.

Life really seems to be turning a bend of late, and I certainly have been enjoying the ride.

Here is a deep thought for the day:

Love the moment, and the energy of that moment will spread beyond all boundries.

... Corita Kent, 1918


**Namaste**

current mood: cheerful

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Saturday, June 1st, 2002
7:58 am
As the sun comes up on Icarus and the night birds sail away...

Ever had a song stuck in your mind for MONTHS????!!!

Well I have, and I can't seem to shake it out no matter how hard I try. Do you recognize it? No??

Are you there? In your jacket with the grease stain and a tear...
Caught up in the slipstream of a dare...

Got it now???

Yep...thats Al Stewart...the Year of the Cat guy...

Does this happen often as one approaches the "F" years???

I will be 40 next year, and lately I find myself more and more flashing back to times of my youth. Heck, my favorite radio station any more is a custom Music Match channel I have that plays songs from 1973 to 1981. Yep, MY impressionable years from age 10 to 18.

But you know I cannot say that getting old sucks. I rather like some of the twists that have come into my life lately. Now if I could just twist a partner out of the fabric of the universe. A partner that at least understands and accepts my path, one that is open enough to know that two people in a relationship do not have to walk the same path. They just have to accept and support the other's spiritual path. You see I believe the great spirit (whatever you perceive her/him to be) walks on all paths and all who seek, seek the same light. In this way all paths ARE the same path and we all share the same light.

Well that is the ramblings of the soul for now...

Here is a thought to ponder:

As long as you continue to discover you will never grow old...You will only grow...

**Namaste**

current mood: contemplative

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Monday, May 20th, 2002
6:00 am
Well here I am again, on the verge of something but not sure what. Have you ever had that feeling? Knowing that something is coming, being able to feel it deep inside, but not having the slightest clue what it will be? Well that is who I have been feeling for a couple weeks now.

I know it is not the big something. You know, the one the karmic universe is preparing for. Yes, the one that many souls have been clearing out or waking up to pave the way for. No, it is not due for about 10 years, but watch out in 2012. This is something more personal, something that I have been clearing out and making room for, at least that is te feeling. It is certainly the hope...

I remember back about 7 or 8 years ago. I was in the midst of a funk, dealing with my divorce and wondering if I could ever have love again. My mother told me that if I was ever going to find what I was looking for, I had to truely make room in my heart for it -- aren't moms just so great sometimes...

Well I did not make room, as a matter of fact I re-married the same lady that I should have cleared out. We thought it would work, that in the 8 years we had been apart somehow we had found each other again. It was a lie, it failed miserably as it was bound to do. Now don't get me wrong, we do care for each other and we are best friends. But we FINALLY admitted to ourselves that it is not what either of us could spend this life with. This was about 2 years ago...

But you know what? I do not think I really heard myself, down in my heart, until about 6 months ago. And I do not think I really believed that my heart could love openly and without fear until just recently. I wish I could tell you what it was, I have been asked a couple times. But I cannot, something just went...snap...and I let go. And in a rush the words of the immortal Dr. Frank N. Furter (for those who don't know Franky, look here, he is the one in the middle) came rushing back... Don't dream it, be it.

And I am actually starting to do that. I know now it is OK. So look out world here I come...

So if you run into me someplace feel free to pop up and say hello. You never know what you may find. And if for some odd reason you actually want to look for me, you can find me on Yahoo as bazzle53 and ICQ as 6659514 - bazzle.

Here is a point to ponder. This one is actually an original observation/life philosophy from yours truly...

Life is as much a discovery of the journey as it is a journey of discovery.

**Namaste**

current mood: sleepy

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